We can’t legislate kindness. If we could, that would have been my answer to a question posed at the 
candidates forum hosted by WCHL last week. Chapelboro on-air personality Aaron Keck, who moderated the forum, asked candidates: What’s the most important thing Chapel Hill can do to make itself a more welcoming and inclusive community?
Inclusivity starts and ends with individuals. If we want to be an inclusive town, then we, as individuals, must speak up when we hear someone making fun of or tossing off a derogatory comment about another person for being different.
We’ve all witnessed eye-rolling or sneers or a snarky response to someone who lives differently or who has nontraditional ideas or is different through no fault of their own. That’s when we must speak up to tell the bully how his or her hurtful behavior directed at someone else has hurts us.
I would expect all of us in leadership positions to do that. Here’s the caveat: If you speak up, it won’t end well for you.
I’ve been speaking up since grade school, and never once in those 50-plus years has a bully responded by saying, “Thank you for sharing how my behavior affects you. Now that I’ve seen the light, I’ll change.”
No, once you speak up, you’ll be one of the bully’s targets, often through some form of social isolation — the bully will stop speaking to you or start a whispered smear campaign against you.
But if we want to be an inclusive community, we have to behave like an inclusive community. That means speaking up to set our boundaries against meanness, so we create an environment where differences can thrive.
I’m supposed to end every forum by saying some version of “Vote for me,” so I’ll do it here. Vote for me, but more important: Speak up.
— Nancy Oates
